Dear Isabelle

March 3, 2009 by  
Filed under Letters

Dear sweet Isabelle,

There is so much I want to say to you. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I have loved you. In the beginning I was afraid to get too attached. The first trimester passed and you were still with us. I was terrified to have the 20 week ultrasound. I didn’t care if you were a boy or a girl as long as you didn’t have any of the problems I had seen with so many of the kids I had taken care of. When they said you had a perfect looking heart and everything else looked good, only then was I truly reassured that everything would be okay. They told us you were a girl and my mind started to think of all the things we would do together…visiting the zoo, taking walks, playing in the garden, enjoying the sunshine, hating our hair (I knew it would be curly).

As the weeks went by, I got ready for your arrival…had the showers…went to the classes…got your room ready. I learned to love your squirming and kicking even if your favorite time to be active was right as I was trying to go to bed. As things drew closer, we talked about the weeks before you were born, not months. As the expected day grew even closer, we got more excited to meet you. We named you Isabelle and found ourselves seeing things that we thought you would like and even bought some of the things we saw.

Then the nightmare began. I didn’t feel you move and they told me they couldn’t find a heartbeat. It seemed like an eternity until you were born. When I got to hold you, you were the most beautiful child I had ever seen. A full head of hair, a little button nose, such beautiful lips. As I held you I knew all those hopes and dreams I had for you were crushed and over. I would never be able to feed you, change your diaper, hear you cry, comfort your tears. Instead, I would have to do something that no mother should have to do, say goodbye to you, my precious daughter.

Isabelle, even though we do not understand why you had to leave us, we will always love you. We will always celebrate the joy you gave us in the time we knew you. Please look down on us and help us through this terrible time as we mourn your passing. Isabelle, we will never forget you and we will keep you in our hearts forever.

I love you, Isabelle

Love, your mom

To Isabelle

When I first learned you were coming I was scared. How would I take care of you? Was I ready to be a dad?

As time passed I dreamt about all the things we would do together: first words, first steps, our first trip to the zoo to see the animals. A lifetime we would spend together.

The weeks turned into months. The doctors showed us your fingers and toes; they told us you were a little girl. You started move and kick, we could see and feel you. You were real and a full part of our lives.

One day, I’m not sure when, I was no longer scared. I thought of myself as your dad and you as my little girl. Your room was ready and your cloths were in the closet. We knew your name was Isabelle. Any day you would enter the world.

Then the world turned upside down. When I held you in my arms I felt great joy – I had a daughter, I was her dad. I also felt great sadness – your time with us had been cut short. There would be no first words, first steps, or trips to the zoo. Not even a first cry or a look into your eyes.

Still, you will always be my little Isabelle and I will always be your dad.

I love you Isabelle, Dad.

Comments

One Response to “Dear Isabelle”
  1. Malia says:

    This brought me to tears. I am sorry for your loss. I wish the very best for you both.

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